Dear Caldwell,
I am a pastor because of my mother.
There is a lot more to it. My sense of call, of course, traces ultimately to God. I am sure of that. But the initial nudge came from God’s agent, Gwen Cleghorn. I was in my late 20s, trying to decide what to do after journalism. My mother and I were walking on the beach one day and she threw out the crazy notion that I might try seminary “just for a year,” while I kept trying to figure out what I was put on earth to do.
Many chapters later, God opened enough doors to make entry into ministry unavoidable, unstoppable. But mom planted the seed, the idea that, maybe, the sum of my experiences, abilities and passion was ministry. I guess it just took me a while to catch up – along with a willing and supportive wife and children, a nearby seminary and some understanding bosses at the bank, among other things. (And then God allowed me to serve Caldwell, but that is another story.)
Late yesterday afternoon, my mother died after battling leukemia for 15 years, a battle I believe she won. She was heavily medicated to stave off pain, and had hardly moved for 24 hours. Then, suddenly, she stirred and opened her eyes partially. Despite being in a semi-comatose state, according to the Hospice nurse who had just examined her, she began to mouth silent words to my sister and me at her bedside. We spoke to her in love and released her to the God that was her sun and moon, her alpha and omega. A single tear fell down her cheek, she breathed her last and went to meet her God face to face.
Please don’t mistake this blog to be “about me.” Mom wouldn’t want you to think it was about her, either. It is about the promise we have in God’s grace through Christ and our opportunity to respond with the fullness of our being. We can thank God for that.
In advance, while it may be presumptuous, I thank you for your love and care and condolences for me and my family. Please don’t feel like you need to express that for my sake. We will celebrate mom’s life at Trinity Presbyterian Church in Atlanta (where I was first ordained as an elder at age 18) Friday at 11 a.m. and I look forward to being back in your arms. So many of you have been a comfort and encouragement in these last months. Even writing this gives me the peace of being “with” you.
If you want to read mom’s obit, you can do that by clicking here. Meantime, your wonderful staff team is holding forth – again – in my absence, for which I am so grateful. As we travel from Sunday to Sunday this week, they are preparing worship, providing ministry, bearing witness. Evie will preach this Sunday as we continue to celebrate God’s work and African-American History Month. Look for another great reflection from a member.
I remain yours
In Christ,
John