Dear Caldwell,
David Johnson-Beard asked to share his thoughts about our visitors last Sunday and the Caldwell community. (Thank you, David.)
Dear Pastor John,
I wanted to send you a note of thanks, not only to you, but more specifically to the membership of the church. As a person who dares to call himself a “gay Christian” it is not a new experience being verbally
assaulted by an individual with his or her own “vision” of God’s plan . The protesters that were present on Sunday were a particularly vocal, and nasty bunch. My heart was saddened by an exchange in which one of the protesters was shouting at a young couple (first time visitors) to our church. They were a heterosexual young couple with a toddler. The young girl was in tears by the time they made their way inside. This exchange literally broke my heart. At this moment I find myself overwhelmed to the point where I am having to pause to collect myself.
During the service I was thankful for the wonderful message, as well as the choirs particularly strong and spirit filled contribution to the service. I NEEDED to see Christians who were boldly claiming the promises that only moments before the protesters had questioned..
I’m sure that some of the membership find the protesters an unfortunate, but tolerable distraction from what IS a wonderful church… For those of us who have been regular recipients of hate, prejudice, and bigotry, it is an open wound that never seems to heal. As I have shared with you, Several years ago I was assaulted, sexually and physically so severely that although surgery and time healed the physical wounds, I still find myself looking over my shoulder when surrounded by groups of people who don’t appear to be “friendly”. It is something that I’ve prayed for deliverance from, but I have accepted that God allows things in our lives for a reason, and it is not always apparent at the time why he doesn’t remove a source of pain…. I do know that he’s used my pain to help others to realize that they are not alone. It would shock most people to know how many times violent vicious crimes like the one perpetrated on me go unreported because the victim is afraid of retaliation, and are painfully aware that often our stories are met with disbelief and judgement by the police, and those who are supposed to be there to care for our needs. I myself was questioned by one of the nurses who helped clean me up to prep me for surgery, who questioned me explaining that “You boys sometimes bring these things on yourselves…” I still hear those words in my heart today…
So when confronted with the types of hate and specifically directed comments are shoved in your face on the way to church, it is especially difficult. Sunday specifically I had fought the urge to stay in bed and just hope that the pain of the week would simply fade away on it’s own, but reminded myself the place of healing, or reconciliation was within the safety of God’s people…the sanctuary of love that IS Caldwell. I would be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that when I sat down after the exchange in front of the church, I was doubting the decision to leave the safety of my home.
I am glad to say that after the first song from the choir a quiet gentle voice reminded me, THIS is where GOD put you for a reason… Don’t you dare let ANYONE keep you from the healing and love GOD has given you open free and abundant access to at Caldwell.
The one thing that did come from Sunday’s experience, after much prayer and reflection is a real and overwhelming sense of gratitude toward the members of Caldwell that DON’T fit the demographic that inspires the protesters to regularly visit our church. Seeing that young couple that under ANY other circumstance wouldn’t have been met with anything but societal approval, being subjected to the hatred that is an all to common reality to the LGBT community, as well as interracial couples, and people who don’t fit in a narrowly defined racial and social group, broke my heart. I realized the pain and discomfort that otherwise “normal” couples would never have to endure, are subjected to because of their unconditional acceptance of…. me…. and those like myself that don’t fit neatly into the picture of what a church “should” be…. or at least what a few people have decided it should be. I suppose that is the biggest thing that struck me is a deep and genuine sense of gratitude the membership of Caldwell that “don’t have a dog in the fight” yet they choose to stand side by side with those of us for whom that type of attitude is something we’ve grown far too familiar with. For that I am humbled, and in awe at the TRUE Christianity I have witnessed here.
I suppose that you, as the pastor, the leader of this revolutionary community of believers, are as good an example of that situation as any. As a Presbyterian minister, married, children…. Most circumstances would allow you to safely maneuver through life without incident or controversy. Your insistence on showing God’s love to ALL of it’s children is not a pick and choose proposition. God does not segregate his children, neither should we. Whether black or white, gay or straight, we ALL have a responsibility to reflect God’s love in our lives to everyone, not just those who’s life, or complexion reflects our own. I realize that your stand on these matters has put you squarely in the crosshairs of the anger and hate that seems to regularly find it’s way to our doorsteps on Sunday mornings. That fact hurts probably as much or more than the fact that the anger is directed at the group of members at Caldwell (myself being one…) that make a fairly small percentage of it’s population..
I know that I tend to be verbose, but I wanted both you and the membership to know that your sacrifice and your support has not, gone without notice, and is not without sincere and deep gratitude from those of us who are lucky enough to have Caldwell as a sanctuary in it’s TRUEST sense. A safe place to restore, re energize, to recover. It is a place that represents a spirit that I have NEVER in 49 years of church membership felt… I thank God that he allowed me to experience this in my lifetime… It truly is an answer to, until now I thought was an unanswered prayer… God’s time truly is, in time, on time, every time.
Yours in Christ,
David Johnson-Beard
Ps – Feel free to share any portion of this email as you see fit.