Dear Caldwell,
I have missed you.
As I prepare to return to the office next week, I wanted to share a few reflections and experiences from my time on sabbatical. There is surely a divine order to the idea of sabbath rest – whether it is on the seventh day of the week or the seventh year of ministry. I thank you for this gift of time away.
So, what have I been doing? As I wrote to you upon my decision to take sabbatical now, I was in dire need. After seven years of enriching ministry – preaching, teaching, marrying, burying, baptizing, caring for and walking with you, discerning a vision with you and bearing public witness to the kingdom of God on earth – I was weary. I knowingly worked harder than I should have, often not managing my boundaries well, to try to give Caldwell the best restart possible. I was deeply tired.
A few weeks into my time away, however, I realized I was feeling more than fatigue. Even more deeply, I was wounded and broken-hearted from the personal attacks and accusations by a small number of members. So, my time away has been largely invested in healing and self-care of mind, body, spirit and soul. Along the way, I sought wisdom from mentors and colleagues, read some good books, advanced the settling of my late mother’s affairs in Atlanta, worked on my doctorate and enjoyed the company and support of my family.
To be clear, I know my healing is not finished. The same is true for our church. But just as God has healed and led me in this time, so our Sovereign has dwelled with and among you. We have all traversed the course of Psalm 22, from crying out to God in our questioning to waiting for and, finally, being upheld by the God who hears our prayers and who never left our side.
As with me, Caldwell’s healing isn’t over. But it is well underway. In my absence, you have practiced some vitally important skills in the life of any growing congregation. Through conversation and truth-finding, you have grown in congregational self-awareness and self-management. At the same time, you have learned more about the value and strength of our denomination’s polity. That has cleared the way forward and put us back on track to pursue our mission all the more vigorously, albeit one step at a time. Though we did not welcome these experiences, Caldwell is a wiser church and I am a wiser pastor.
God has blessed Caldwell with a unique place and voice in the city and with growth that brings inevitable change for your elected leadership to navigate with the engagement of every member of the church. Caldwell’s recent legacy has been one of standing with the marginalized – the homeless and the poor, the immigrant, the weary and the wounded – as a diverse, newly formed church family. It is the focus on others, serving them in the name of Christ that defines us as a missional church.
My prayer for our church at the corner of Park and 5th is manifold:
- that we, together, will turn our face in Advent toward Bethlehem, where the promise of new life in God was given 2,000 years ago and lies ready for us again;
- that we will reclaim our identity as one congregation of healing and welcome for all who are hurting, marginalized, questioning and in search of community.
- that we will not forget the lessons we have learned about what “being church” together requires of all of our members and friends;
- that, in faith, we will practice forgiveness and humble ourselves before our God and each other, remembering that what we are seeking to accomplish, as such a diverse church family, is rare and difficult but, also, that God has given us a precious gift and a vital and worthy calling;
- and, finally, that we can be healed, as with Christ, and reclaim the joy and unity in worship, fellowship and service that has defined Caldwell.
I am profoundly grateful to our church staff, which has held forth beautifully in my absence, and to the session, which has been tireless and steadfast, despite their own deep fatigue and hurt.
To all those who sent me and my family such affirming, supporting and loving cards and letters, thank you for sustaining us in the wilderness.
I will return to the office on November 16 and to the pulpit November the 29th, the first day of the Advent season and a new church year. I look forward to seeing you soon.
In Christ,
John